What you are is what you have been. What you'll be is what you do now.
- Buddha
Monday, June 27, 2011
dispatches from the plantation shall resume shortly...
Thursday, June 23, 2011
thursday UPDATE or hallelujah, our house is our home again!
the MITM and i damn near slept the whole day away yesterday!
i had started doing laundry tuesday evening and did the last load this morning! this is probably too much information, but the MITM has been wandering around the house in his jockey boxer shorts and tee shirt since tuesday afternoon! yeah, nothing says only two grown folks live in a house than walking around in your skivvies and drinking juice out of the bottle! of course, having the MITM back in the kitchen cooking again helps! (ok, helps me because he really is a great cook!) i could go on (and trust me, at some point i probably will) but not today. today, i'm folding that pile of fresh laundry and putting things away. we'll be doing saturday chores a day early and i think this weekend will be a really good one to just goof off and do absolutely nothing! (From the MITM: gourmet cooking and drinking great wines. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
there is no easy way to say this, but hot damn, i am so glad they are GONE!
i had started doing laundry tuesday evening and did the last load this morning! this is probably too much information, but the MITM has been wandering around the house in his jockey boxer shorts and tee shirt since tuesday afternoon! yeah, nothing says only two grown folks live in a house than walking around in your skivvies and drinking juice out of the bottle! of course, having the MITM back in the kitchen cooking again helps! (ok, helps me because he really is a great cook!) i could go on (and trust me, at some point i probably will) but not today. today, i'm folding that pile of fresh laundry and putting things away. we'll be doing saturday chores a day early and i think this weekend will be a really good one to just goof off and do absolutely nothing! (From the MITM: gourmet cooking and drinking great wines. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
there is no easy way to say this, but hot damn, i am so glad they are GONE!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
and it's tuesday...
...and MOVING DAY!!
yes, my darlings, as i type, (at 06h37) mr cta has put a load of laundry in the washer and already placed their dirty linen in the laundry room hamper. but, i'm jumping ahead of the story.
sunday morning it was sort of business as usual around here with us up having coffee and watching news. mr & mrs cta woke and for a change, started making breakfast early for their children. no discussion about saturday or the words exchanged between the 2 men. the MITM told him that we were going to a father's day party at 16h00 and if they would be back before then (as they have been every sunday since they got here)? the MITM offered a key, but it was declined. mr cta assured him they'd be back here before we left.
and then, the atmosphere changed...
mr cta received a call and went outside. there were a couple more calls and suddenly, he couldn't or wouldn't meet our eye, speak directly or get this, even cross paths with us. he got dressed for church quickly and went outside. we could hear mrs cta hustling the kids to finish dressing. without a word of goodbye (which has been a big ceremony with them) they were all outside waiting. a few minutes later, a cab drove up and off they went.
fast forward to 15h30 (because what we did while they were gone isn't germane to this story.)
the MITM mobile rings and it's mr cta saying that won't be back in time and would we be home by 18h00? with a very calm voice the MITM said that no, since the party started at 16h00, we wouldn't be, but mr cta should call before he got to the house and we'd make arrangements accordingly. so, onward and upward and party on, garth.... we're sitting at our BFF's dinner table and in nowhere near done when the MITM's mobile rings at 19h00. blah, blah, blah and he hangs up and says, they're in front of our house waiting. there was much said, as we pondered over the correct course of action, but i'll just leave it at i said i'd go let them in the house and come back. remember the time, 19h00 and they are now inside the house.
we came home a couple of hours later, yep, 20h30, only to find the a pot on the stove with some sort chicken melange boiling away and no one in the kitchen. we could only assume that during the time i dropped them off and the time we got home, the family was in conference because mr&mrs cta did not feed their children and themselves until almost 23h00!! (and this i can not forgive, bad parenting) we were watching tv. at one point, mr cta came over and asked if we'd seen the show before and humbling about what was it, etc. now, the MITM knows him, so he got up and said, what do you need to tell me so you can stop disturbing savannah (which already had happened and yes, i had already given mr cta a snarky answer about the show...). blah, blah, blah and the MITM returns to the living room shaking his head. he leans over and says, "mr cta wants to say something, but doesn't know how to say it, i can tell. my guess, is they will be out of here sooner than we thought."
and then it was monday...
mr cta started a discussion with the MITM (while he and i were working, of course) about what he needed to do now about employment and housing. the leads he had been waiting for from his friend in jacksonville turned out to be an temp agency the man had used while HE was in savannah! sweet mary sunshine, at that point i got up and left the room! i mean, we had given him good solid leads on jobs that he ignored, in fact, dismissed out of hand BECAUSE a friend of his was waiting to give him job leads...(wtf, right?) anyway, much talking and slightly raised voices later, it seems mrs cta didn't have to work on monday and since the MITM was going to take mr cta to print out some documents and look at some apartments, she was going, along with the children and she wanted to go to the park as a family and would the MITM kindly drop them there.
we did not see or hear from them until 21h30 last night when they rang the front doorbell and i let them in. mrs cta hustled the children off to bed, so we figured they'd eaten while they were out. and then the drama began, we're watching a movie and mr cta comes out and sits on the sofa, obviously too chickenshit (yeah, i said it) to speak in a manly fashion to us. i mean, come on, it's just tv, if you have something you want to say, fucking say it! you know as in hey, sorry to disturb you, but i need to talk to you both. it was as if he thought that by his just being we would KNOW that he needed to speak to us. finally, the MITM just paused the movie and asked him point blank what is it you want to say. and like that proverbial middle button on a fat man's shirt yearning to be free, he spoke. it seems he had finally found his manhood and was going to leave us in the morning. he kept going on about how he didn't want us to be angry with them, that they were grateful for all we'd done, that please do not close our hearts to them...blah, blah, blah. the MITM assured mr cta that his anger was with the rest of his coreligionists and not he and mrs cta. that it was THEM who had offended us and that his BRETHREN were not welcome in our home. and then it began...the apartment they want won't be ready until next week, so they're going to go to a residential suites hotel. but they have no pots or dishes...my response, go to target or wal-mart. would "mr. MITM still honor his promise (passive aggressive speak again) about giving them the bed..." and could they have some linen, etc. the MITM, said yes, to the bed and no to anything else. end of discussion.
there's more, but it's done. i know that the fear they have isn't about us being angry with them. it's a reaction to coming from a police state and not really understanding that we have nothing to do with their immigration status. we can't cause them to be deported, we can't revoke their green cards. america doesn't work that way (on our level anyway...). what mr&mrs cta don't understand yet is that, we can disagree on religion, disagree on politics, even disagree on what's the best food to eat, but it doesn't make us enemies and it doesn't change a relationship, unless you want it to!
yes, my darlings, as i type, (at 06h37) mr cta has put a load of laundry in the washer and already placed their dirty linen in the laundry room hamper. but, i'm jumping ahead of the story.
sunday morning it was sort of business as usual around here with us up having coffee and watching news. mr & mrs cta woke and for a change, started making breakfast early for their children. no discussion about saturday or the words exchanged between the 2 men. the MITM told him that we were going to a father's day party at 16h00 and if they would be back before then (as they have been every sunday since they got here)? the MITM offered a key, but it was declined. mr cta assured him they'd be back here before we left.
and then, the atmosphere changed...
mr cta received a call and went outside. there were a couple more calls and suddenly, he couldn't or wouldn't meet our eye, speak directly or get this, even cross paths with us. he got dressed for church quickly and went outside. we could hear mrs cta hustling the kids to finish dressing. without a word of goodbye (which has been a big ceremony with them) they were all outside waiting. a few minutes later, a cab drove up and off they went.
fast forward to 15h30 (because what we did while they were gone isn't germane to this story.)
the MITM mobile rings and it's mr cta saying that won't be back in time and would we be home by 18h00? with a very calm voice the MITM said that no, since the party started at 16h00, we wouldn't be, but mr cta should call before he got to the house and we'd make arrangements accordingly. so, onward and upward and party on, garth.... we're sitting at our BFF's dinner table and in nowhere near done when the MITM's mobile rings at 19h00. blah, blah, blah and he hangs up and says, they're in front of our house waiting. there was much said, as we pondered over the correct course of action, but i'll just leave it at i said i'd go let them in the house and come back. remember the time, 19h00 and they are now inside the house.
we came home a couple of hours later, yep, 20h30, only to find the a pot on the stove with some sort chicken melange boiling away and no one in the kitchen. we could only assume that during the time i dropped them off and the time we got home, the family was in conference because mr&mrs cta did not feed their children and themselves until almost 23h00!! (and this i can not forgive, bad parenting) we were watching tv. at one point, mr cta came over and asked if we'd seen the show before and humbling about what was it, etc. now, the MITM knows him, so he got up and said, what do you need to tell me so you can stop disturbing savannah (which already had happened and yes, i had already given mr cta a snarky answer about the show...). blah, blah, blah and the MITM returns to the living room shaking his head. he leans over and says, "mr cta wants to say something, but doesn't know how to say it, i can tell. my guess, is they will be out of here sooner than we thought."
and then it was monday...
mr cta started a discussion with the MITM (while he and i were working, of course) about what he needed to do now about employment and housing. the leads he had been waiting for from his friend in jacksonville turned out to be an temp agency the man had used while HE was in savannah! sweet mary sunshine, at that point i got up and left the room! i mean, we had given him good solid leads on jobs that he ignored, in fact, dismissed out of hand BECAUSE a friend of his was waiting to give him job leads...(wtf, right?) anyway, much talking and slightly raised voices later, it seems mrs cta didn't have to work on monday and since the MITM was going to take mr cta to print out some documents and look at some apartments, she was going, along with the children and she wanted to go to the park as a family and would the MITM kindly drop them there.
we did not see or hear from them until 21h30 last night when they rang the front doorbell and i let them in. mrs cta hustled the children off to bed, so we figured they'd eaten while they were out. and then the drama began, we're watching a movie and mr cta comes out and sits on the sofa, obviously too chickenshit (yeah, i said it) to speak in a manly fashion to us. i mean, come on, it's just tv, if you have something you want to say, fucking say it! you know as in hey, sorry to disturb you, but i need to talk to you both. it was as if he thought that by his just being we would KNOW that he needed to speak to us. finally, the MITM just paused the movie and asked him point blank what is it you want to say. and like that proverbial middle button on a fat man's shirt yearning to be free, he spoke. it seems he had finally found his manhood and was going to leave us in the morning. he kept going on about how he didn't want us to be angry with them, that they were grateful for all we'd done, that please do not close our hearts to them...blah, blah, blah. the MITM assured mr cta that his anger was with the rest of his coreligionists and not he and mrs cta. that it was THEM who had offended us and that his BRETHREN were not welcome in our home. and then it began...the apartment they want won't be ready until next week, so they're going to go to a residential suites hotel. but they have no pots or dishes...my response, go to target or wal-mart. would "mr. MITM still honor his promise (passive aggressive speak again) about giving them the bed..." and could they have some linen, etc. the MITM, said yes, to the bed and no to anything else. end of discussion.
there's more, but it's done. i know that the fear they have isn't about us being angry with them. it's a reaction to coming from a police state and not really understanding that we have nothing to do with their immigration status. we can't cause them to be deported, we can't revoke their green cards. america doesn't work that way (on our level anyway...). what mr&mrs cta don't understand yet is that, we can disagree on religion, disagree on politics, even disagree on what's the best food to eat, but it doesn't make us enemies and it doesn't change a relationship, unless you want it to!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD!!!!!
ok, now promise me y'all won't tell anyone! but....
THE MITM WENT OFF ON MR CTA!!!!!
i had to sort of disappear into the woodwork ( i picked up my book and started reading in another room).
anyway, mr. cta said to the MITM and i quote (i mean, really darlings, did you think i was really reading?) "there is a conference of jehovah's witness in columbia, south carolina and the ward is going to pay our way to go to it on thursday of next week." well, my darlings, the MITM hit the proverbial fucking ceiling! his words and i quote exactly, "if they are willing to pay your way to FUCKING south carolina for a religious conference, then they damn sure should be willing to help you find a damn apartment! your people know your situation. you need a job and a place for your family to live!" oh yeah, he went there! it seems our dear visitors and their coreligionists are willing to abide with the non-believers (us) sheltering them and see no problem with us expending our money and hospitality to mr&mrs cta and family instead of the church members doing it. mr cta did not want to understand that asking us to continue to house them and simply wait for their return, rather than finding a place for him and his family BEFORE he went on some religious revival was an insult to us and certainly, an abuse of our hospitality. we have not asked them for a penny, nor were we doing this out of any other instinct than friendship. now, remember, mr cta KNOWS the MITM. he worked for the MITM for years in deepestdarkestafrica, so he is well aware of what it means when the MITM raises his voice. MITM flat out told him that going to "some bullshit gospel revival" rather than taking care of the business he came here for was flat out ridiculous and that the MITM was not going to subsidize any of this kinda crap. mr cta tried to counter with something about the bible and the MITM told him "you might as well be telling me something from a comic book or alice in wonderland. i don't give a fuck about your drug of choice." (just so you know, the MITM respects all religions, but not on his dime. his philosophy is, "to you be your way, to me be mine" when it comes to matters of faith. he personally thinks all religions are 95% mythology and 5% of any good to humanity, and then only in the hands of tolerant and reasonable people.)
the ultimatum is out there.
if you leave on thursday, take all of your belongings because you will not come back here.
more to come...
THE MITM WENT OFF ON MR CTA!!!!!
i had to sort of disappear into the woodwork ( i picked up my book and started reading in another room).
anyway, mr. cta said to the MITM and i quote (i mean, really darlings, did you think i was really reading?) "there is a conference of jehovah's witness in columbia, south carolina and the ward is going to pay our way to go to it on thursday of next week." well, my darlings, the MITM hit the proverbial fucking ceiling! his words and i quote exactly, "if they are willing to pay your way to FUCKING south carolina for a religious conference, then they damn sure should be willing to help you find a damn apartment! your people know your situation. you need a job and a place for your family to live!" oh yeah, he went there! it seems our dear visitors and their coreligionists are willing to abide with the non-believers (us) sheltering them and see no problem with us expending our money and hospitality to mr&mrs cta and family instead of the church members doing it. mr cta did not want to understand that asking us to continue to house them and simply wait for their return, rather than finding a place for him and his family BEFORE he went on some religious revival was an insult to us and certainly, an abuse of our hospitality. we have not asked them for a penny, nor were we doing this out of any other instinct than friendship. now, remember, mr cta KNOWS the MITM. he worked for the MITM for years in deepestdarkestafrica, so he is well aware of what it means when the MITM raises his voice. MITM flat out told him that going to "some bullshit gospel revival" rather than taking care of the business he came here for was flat out ridiculous and that the MITM was not going to subsidize any of this kinda crap. mr cta tried to counter with something about the bible and the MITM told him "you might as well be telling me something from a comic book or alice in wonderland. i don't give a fuck about your drug of choice." (just so you know, the MITM respects all religions, but not on his dime. his philosophy is, "to you be your way, to me be mine" when it comes to matters of faith. he personally thinks all religions are 95% mythology and 5% of any good to humanity, and then only in the hands of tolerant and reasonable people.)
the ultimatum is out there.
if you leave on thursday, take all of your belongings because you will not come back here.
more to come...
Friday, June 17, 2011
a change of pace
i had driving miss daisy duty yesterday.
she was just finishing getting ready and had already dismissed her attendants at the palazzo in anticipation of the MITM's arrival, so she was surprised when i said hello. actually, what she said after i spoke was, "who's there?"
anyway, no harm, no foul, we took off on our own mad hatter's tea party ride.
this is one of those times when i wonder which one of us has dementia! the drive from the palazzo to the brain surgeon (yeah, i know the proper term for his discipline, but we make the same joke every time about the man) is about 15 minutes. oh yeah, good thing we left a bit early because i got lost! i could not find the street even though i was only at the most 3 blocks away from the man's office! i had to call the MITM for the street name, a landmark, anything that would get me there. miss daisy kept saying, "don't ask me, honey, i'm even more lost than you!" she did make me laugh when i finally figured out not only where we were going, but how i missed the street by saying maybe i should take her appointment!
this was another of those "let's see how she's doing" visits. as we waited in the examining room, miss daisy asked me if i'd ever had a song in my head that just popped in and wouldn't leave. of course, i told her about ear worms, a concept and name she found hilarious (are you rick rolling yet?) but, i digress, her song was how high the moon, i could hum it and knew some of the lyrics, but she knew the entire thing. so there we sat, humming and singing and channeling ella fitzgerald just a bit slower and office appropriate sotto voce.
and then it got better.
we did the name her 4 children and their spouses. then name all the children and their spouses. and then the great grandchildren. and my special category (makes her laugh every single time) MY granddogs! yeah, that's right, ghost face killah and moxie! miss daisy still remembers how the boys at her hair salon KNEW the answer to "guess what the rest of ghost's name is" when he stayed with me while captain chaos was in sweden. yesterday was her eldest son's only child's birthday. the commander (he's navy) turned 43, so we had a few laughs over that which is how the whole name the clan game started.
we spent a good 3 hours together. i was happy and i think, so was she.
(the MITM, on the other hand, was in the midst of his own personal hell with mr&mr cta.)
she was just finishing getting ready and had already dismissed her attendants at the palazzo in anticipation of the MITM's arrival, so she was surprised when i said hello. actually, what she said after i spoke was, "who's there?"
anyway, no harm, no foul, we took off on our own mad hatter's tea party ride.
this is one of those times when i wonder which one of us has dementia! the drive from the palazzo to the brain surgeon (yeah, i know the proper term for his discipline, but we make the same joke every time about the man) is about 15 minutes. oh yeah, good thing we left a bit early because i got lost! i could not find the street even though i was only at the most 3 blocks away from the man's office! i had to call the MITM for the street name, a landmark, anything that would get me there. miss daisy kept saying, "don't ask me, honey, i'm even more lost than you!" she did make me laugh when i finally figured out not only where we were going, but how i missed the street by saying maybe i should take her appointment!
this was another of those "let's see how she's doing" visits. as we waited in the examining room, miss daisy asked me if i'd ever had a song in my head that just popped in and wouldn't leave. of course, i told her about ear worms, a concept and name she found hilarious (are you rick rolling yet?) but, i digress, her song was how high the moon, i could hum it and knew some of the lyrics, but she knew the entire thing. so there we sat, humming and singing and channeling ella fitzgerald just a bit slower and office appropriate sotto voce.
and then it got better.
we did the name her 4 children and their spouses. then name all the children and their spouses. and then the great grandchildren. and my special category (makes her laugh every single time) MY granddogs! yeah, that's right, ghost face killah and moxie! miss daisy still remembers how the boys at her hair salon KNEW the answer to "guess what the rest of ghost's name is" when he stayed with me while captain chaos was in sweden. yesterday was her eldest son's only child's birthday. the commander (he's navy) turned 43, so we had a few laughs over that which is how the whole name the clan game started.
we spent a good 3 hours together. i was happy and i think, so was she.
(the MITM, on the other hand, was in the midst of his own personal hell with mr&mr cta.)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
from the new york times (metropolitian diary) to god's ear...
Dear Diary:
For 10 minutes on a 34th Street crosstown bus, a man loudly and persistently preached to the other passengers about Jesus Christ, salvation and the gates to heaven.
Although nobody said anything to or about him during his “sermon,” the moment he exited the bus, one passenger asked out loud, to no one in particular, “Did he get off?”
Another passenger responded: “Yes. There is a God!”
— Michael Schubert
...and like the middle button on a fat man's shirt, i am yearning to be free! today, we should find out just how concerned mr&mrs cta's fellow jehovah's witness are...
For 10 minutes on a 34th Street crosstown bus, a man loudly and persistently preached to the other passengers about Jesus Christ, salvation and the gates to heaven.
Although nobody said anything to or about him during his “sermon,” the moment he exited the bus, one passenger asked out loud, to no one in particular, “Did he get off?”
Another passenger responded: “Yes. There is a God!”
— Michael Schubert
...and like the middle button on a fat man's shirt, i am yearning to be free! today, we should find out just how concerned mr&mrs cta's fellow jehovah's witness are...
Sunday, June 12, 2011
and then on sunday...
she thought she would enjoy the comfort of her home for a few hours.
but noooooooooooooo.
things change.
as the man said, things fall down.
the peace of an afternoon is gone and the world continues, just on a different axis known only to me.
i have been informed by a person who is more knowledgeable about the christian religion of our guests than myself, that the book mr&mrs cta follow declares they should NOT surround themselves or place themselves in the company of non-believers. and baby, the MITM and i have got to be the HEIGHT of non-believers in their book. so, my question, which neither i nor the MITM can answer is why after 3 weeks, mr&mrs cta's fellow religionists have not rescued them from our den of (comfortable) iniquity? yep, my darlings, this story, this saga gets more and more convoluted
but noooooooooooooo.
things change.
as the man said, things fall down.
the peace of an afternoon is gone and the world continues, just on a different axis known only to me.
i have been informed by a person who is more knowledgeable about the christian religion of our guests than myself, that the book mr&mrs cta follow declares they should NOT surround themselves or place themselves in the company of non-believers. and baby, the MITM and i have got to be the HEIGHT of non-believers in their book. so, my question, which neither i nor the MITM can answer is why after 3 weeks, mr&mrs cta's fellow religionists have not rescued them from our den of (comfortable) iniquity? yep, my darlings, this story, this saga gets more and more convoluted
E V E R Y D A Y!
*the following paragraph has been redacted to provide plausible deniability for the MITM*
and yea, who knew, right?
Friday, June 10, 2011
and the MITM said, don't make a comment, make a new post...
as sweet hope said, our village has spoken!
the MITM and i appreciate your words of support and advice. we're drawing on our l.a. roots and doing the good cop/bad cop routine. i, of course, will be the good cop (and that's only because i don't speak french *see super nana's comment*). the MITM said all ya'll will know when he's done because there will be posts about "you don't have to go home, but ya got ta' get the hell out of of here!" we're sort of writing this entry together over coffee. the children (unfed) have been sent outside by their parents to do some calisthenics. we have gone back to our regular routine, coffee, breakfast and the tv on with the morning news programs. yes, at 07h00 it was business as usual around here. mr cta did wake up around 08h00 and watched the news with the MITM, but that's as far as it got.
now, the 'rents are awake and making their way to the kitchen now. we shall see.
the issue here is the cultural disconnect. several of you touched on it. the MITM has lived in their country, so he's well tuned to the nuance of their lives that escape me. he is actively encouraging mr cta to seek employment and to use his church contacts (more about that later) to help them find an apartment. to be very clear, mr cta is not and will not be on the dole, they have money that they saved for this move. what we're dealing with is a crash course in adapting to a new culture! tough love, as daisyfae called it.
real time case in point, mr cta is fixing breakfast, his mobile rang, he answered and WALKED THE HELL OUTSIDE, food on the stove and milk warming! yes, i got up lowered the fire. he just walke d back in and i told him: you can not walk away from the stove, you can not leave the flame up HIGH, food will burn! (and i will be severely pissed off if the fire alarm goes off and my house is filled with smoke.) (i almost said that, but the MITM shot me that look, so i didn't)
i know they are feeling pressure being under such scrutiny, but seriously, better to learn some living in america rules safely, than to have something negative happen later!
that's our story and we're sticking to it!
the MITM and i appreciate your words of support and advice. we're drawing on our l.a. roots and doing the good cop/bad cop routine. i, of course, will be the good cop (and that's only because i don't speak french *see super nana's comment*). the MITM said all ya'll will know when he's done because there will be posts about "you don't have to go home, but ya got ta' get the hell out of of here!" we're sort of writing this entry together over coffee. the children (unfed) have been sent outside by their parents to do some calisthenics. we have gone back to our regular routine, coffee, breakfast and the tv on with the morning news programs. yes, at 07h00 it was business as usual around here. mr cta did wake up around 08h00 and watched the news with the MITM, but that's as far as it got.
now, the 'rents are awake and making their way to the kitchen now. we shall see.
the issue here is the cultural disconnect. several of you touched on it. the MITM has lived in their country, so he's well tuned to the nuance of their lives that escape me. he is actively encouraging mr cta to seek employment and to use his church contacts (more about that later) to help them find an apartment. to be very clear, mr cta is not and will not be on the dole, they have money that they saved for this move. what we're dealing with is a crash course in adapting to a new culture! tough love, as daisyfae called it.
real time case in point, mr cta is fixing breakfast, his mobile rang, he answered and WALKED THE HELL OUTSIDE, food on the stove and milk warming! yes, i got up lowered the fire. he just walke d back in and i told him: you can not walk away from the stove, you can not leave the flame up HIGH, food will burn! (and i will be severely pissed off if the fire alarm goes off and my house is filled with smoke.) (i almost said that, but the MITM shot me that look, so i didn't)
i know they are feeling pressure being under such scrutiny, but seriously, better to learn some living in america rules safely, than to have something negative happen later!
that's our story and we're sticking to it!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
tomorrow marks 2 weeks...
this is the day i knew would come.
the day when i started thinking when are they leaving?
i knew it would come. and so did all y'all! the initial "welcome to america" fanfare is over, banners put away, confetti cleaned up and now it's get a J-O-B, son! mrs cta already has a gig and starts next week. she does seriously intricate braiding and already has (thanks to my pal, miss carol) a job! (remember, they are here legally and green cards are in the system and will arrive soon.) she is also champing at the bit to get out and be on her own with her little family. i totally understand that concept. it's difficult enough living with your own family when you've had your own home and things around you. now, here she is in a foreign country, only knowing a bit of the language and living with strangers! so, fair play to her, she's doing her best...
BUT, (and you knew THAT was coming) she is a tad lazy. even her husband said so before they got here (to the MITM) and again many, many, many times to him since. now, i had 4 children around the same age as her 3 when i was 29. i know how difficult it can be, but holy enchilladas, batman, it can be done! this ain't deepestdarkestafrica. parents get the hell up BEFORE their children and go to bed after them! you feed them, bathe them, clothe them, discipline them, WATCH THEM and then, if you're lucky, you get a moment to sit down and relax. the children, bless their hearts, are really good kids and are already adapting to life on the plantation. they get the fact that savannah & the MITM expect good behavior and QUIET! they also already know that the both of us are saps for a kid's smile! so, i have no beef with the kids. been there, done that and yes, i cut them major amounts of slack. ok, so where am i going with this? how do you tell adults, without scaring the hell out of them, that you can't just let your children run wild in a mall, a store, the PARKING LOT or even the street in front of the house. not everyone you meet is a nice person, not every car drives slowly on residential streets and yes, i know, all y'all know what i'm talking about. so i'm guessing i'm just venting now.
anyway, the MITM had told me what to expect and i thought i wouldn't be surprised, but i am. ok, maybe, i'm surprised by my reaction to the situation. i always thought of myself as flexible and unimposing. what i'm finding is that i am not either when it comes to other people IN MY HOME. (does that make a difference?) when i was in public service, adaptability, flexibility and understanding were imperative traits. they have deserted me! now, i have to seriously do the "count to 10 before you speak" routine. what makes me think my way is the right way just because it's my home? ok, there are some things that are driving me nuts/around the bend/up a tree and generally bugging the hell out of me! mrs. cta ASSUMES that someone, anyone, ME will just watch her children and do what needs to be done. not so, missy! mr cta is equally as irresponsible, but that's another tale. this afternoon, after fixing (and eating) their brunch/mid-day meal BECAUSE mr cta couldn't do anything other than make toast and warm milk for the kids around 9:30ish, she sat on the sofa in the living room and started dozing off. at some point, she got up and went to her room and promptly fell asleep. the kids were really loud and out of my line of sight, so i went to check on WTF was going on, she wasn't there...
so, i sent them to bed.
with her.
i had a momentary pang of guilt, but that soon passed.
is this so wrong?
i KNOW i need to be a bit more generous of spirit, but as super nana once said to me when i told her to take the high road and be nice...my legs hurt from taking that hike so much, ma!
*sigh*
*double sigh*
*one of those famous irish sighs*
and then,
*one of those equally famous scottish sighs*
now, bring it on.
tell me the truth.
i need to keep my words of old lady wisdom limited to:
health (as in remember to wash your hands.)
and
safety (as in don't run into the street.)
i'm listening, blogville
(if this sounds a bit choppy, it's because i did a quick edit and not a re-write...yes, i know, even my confessions are self censored right now.)
the day when i started thinking when are they leaving?
i knew it would come. and so did all y'all! the initial "welcome to america" fanfare is over, banners put away, confetti cleaned up and now it's get a J-O-B, son! mrs cta already has a gig and starts next week. she does seriously intricate braiding and already has (thanks to my pal, miss carol) a job! (remember, they are here legally and green cards are in the system and will arrive soon.) she is also champing at the bit to get out and be on her own with her little family. i totally understand that concept. it's difficult enough living with your own family when you've had your own home and things around you. now, here she is in a foreign country, only knowing a bit of the language and living with strangers! so, fair play to her, she's doing her best...
BUT, (and you knew THAT was coming) she is a tad lazy. even her husband said so before they got here (to the MITM) and again many, many, many times to him since. now, i had 4 children around the same age as her 3 when i was 29. i know how difficult it can be, but holy enchilladas, batman, it can be done! this ain't deepestdarkestafrica. parents get the hell up BEFORE their children and go to bed after them! you feed them, bathe them, clothe them, discipline them, WATCH THEM and then, if you're lucky, you get a moment to sit down and relax. the children, bless their hearts, are really good kids and are already adapting to life on the plantation. they get the fact that savannah & the MITM expect good behavior and QUIET! they also already know that the both of us are saps for a kid's smile! so, i have no beef with the kids. been there, done that and yes, i cut them major amounts of slack. ok, so where am i going with this? how do you tell adults, without scaring the hell out of them, that you can't just let your children run wild in a mall, a store, the PARKING LOT or even the street in front of the house. not everyone you meet is a nice person, not every car drives slowly on residential streets and yes, i know, all y'all know what i'm talking about. so i'm guessing i'm just venting now.
anyway, the MITM had told me what to expect and i thought i wouldn't be surprised, but i am. ok, maybe, i'm surprised by my reaction to the situation. i always thought of myself as flexible and unimposing. what i'm finding is that i am not either when it comes to other people IN MY HOME. (does that make a difference?) when i was in public service, adaptability, flexibility and understanding were imperative traits. they have deserted me! now, i have to seriously do the "count to 10 before you speak" routine. what makes me think my way is the right way just because it's my home? ok, there are some things that are driving me nuts/around the bend/up a tree and generally bugging the hell out of me! mrs. cta ASSUMES that someone, anyone, ME will just watch her children and do what needs to be done. not so, missy! mr cta is equally as irresponsible, but that's another tale. this afternoon, after fixing (and eating) their brunch/mid-day meal BECAUSE mr cta couldn't do anything other than make toast and warm milk for the kids around 9:30ish, she sat on the sofa in the living room and started dozing off. at some point, she got up and went to her room and promptly fell asleep. the kids were really loud and out of my line of sight, so i went to check on WTF was going on, she wasn't there...
so, i sent them to bed.
with her.
i had a momentary pang of guilt, but that soon passed.
is this so wrong?
i KNOW i need to be a bit more generous of spirit, but as super nana once said to me when i told her to take the high road and be nice...my legs hurt from taking that hike so much, ma!
*sigh*
*double sigh*
*one of those famous irish sighs*
and then,
*one of those equally famous scottish sighs*
now, bring it on.
tell me the truth.
i need to keep my words of old lady wisdom limited to:
health (as in remember to wash your hands.)
and
safety (as in don't run into the street.)
i'm listening, blogville
(if this sounds a bit choppy, it's because i did a quick edit and not a re-write...yes, i know, even my confessions are self censored right now.)
Monday, June 6, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MITM!
he's older than he was yesterday
and
he's considerably older than ME! (by six months)
anyway, this year marks the first year in more years than any of us can even remember that he's been home on his birthday! in fact, it's such a surprise, we have nothing planned, except, some cake and ice cream. of course, with mr&mrs cta and their children here, it's almost like a party every day. (ok, not really. explanation to come later)
i'm just glad he's home!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MAN IN THE MOON!
xoxoxoxo
WEDNESDAY UPDATE:
Thank you all for the birthday greetings! the MITM
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
MR.CTA - the Backstory - MITM
There's a line from the great movie Apocalypse Now that comes to mind when I meet people like Mr. CTA - "The light and space of Vietnam really put the zap on his head." When I first met him it was in the capital of a shithole of a country in Africa. You just knew this guy was bright, wrapped to tight to survive much longer under the daily bullshit of a police state, and getting by each day by being as professional as possible, smiling on the outside and silently screaming on the inside. If anyone ever needed to get out of Dodge it was him. That was seven years ago.
I had never even heard of the diversity visa program other than the scams that were being run over the internet to separate people from their money by promising to get them a green card visa to the U.S. if they paid some money in advance to some Ahmed, Mohammed, Dajingbye, Lucky Garang, etc. in London, or Paris, or Brussels. Guys used to bring these things to me all the time to ask me if it was legit. And they never were. And people wanted to come to the home of the brave and the land of the free so bad they kept getting conned. Go figure. It's not the bullshit they see in Hollywood movies or regurgitated MTV crap that makes them want to come here. What it is is the concept of Freedom - that's it, plain and raw and simple. We have nothing else to offer them. They see through the commercial crap, that's easy. It's like an Egyptian told me once - you promised us Chauteabriand and Mozart if we played by your rules - all we got was McDonalds and Michael Jackson. Ah, but freedom, that's a whole different beast. They know about it because they know its absence. It's something that burns in your soul late at night. It's something that once it infects you nothing less will suffice. And even those who bury it deep in their innards as they carry out the will of dictators to get money and power know that it is something of value, even if they have already sold their souls to the enemies of all that is sacred.
So Mr. CTA comes to me a few years ago and says he and the missus need an address of someone in the U.S. to put on their application for the diversity visa program. The program takes in up to 50,000 people a year into the U.S. from countries that are underrepresented in the U.S. immigration rolls. I checked out the paperwork and went to the U.S. Embassy to ask about the program's legitimacy. Now if you know anything about U.S. Embassies in Africa you know that they are always a day late and a dollar short when it comes to information about what's really going on. And the boys and girls who man these post are always a brick short of a full load when it comes to assessing who are the bad guys and who are the good guys in Africa. So I was, necessarily, a bit wary about the information I would get. But wonder of wonders - it was legit. I figured what are the odds - I gave Mr. CTA the greenlight for our house.
I sit here now in the U.S.A. with Mr. and Mrs. CTA and their three children buying lotto tickets in their names. I figure if Mrs. CTA won the diversity visa - what are the odds???
More about all this later....
MITM
I had never even heard of the diversity visa program other than the scams that were being run over the internet to separate people from their money by promising to get them a green card visa to the U.S. if they paid some money in advance to some Ahmed, Mohammed, Dajingbye, Lucky Garang, etc. in London, or Paris, or Brussels. Guys used to bring these things to me all the time to ask me if it was legit. And they never were. And people wanted to come to the home of the brave and the land of the free so bad they kept getting conned. Go figure. It's not the bullshit they see in Hollywood movies or regurgitated MTV crap that makes them want to come here. What it is is the concept of Freedom - that's it, plain and raw and simple. We have nothing else to offer them. They see through the commercial crap, that's easy. It's like an Egyptian told me once - you promised us Chauteabriand and Mozart if we played by your rules - all we got was McDonalds and Michael Jackson. Ah, but freedom, that's a whole different beast. They know about it because they know its absence. It's something that burns in your soul late at night. It's something that once it infects you nothing less will suffice. And even those who bury it deep in their innards as they carry out the will of dictators to get money and power know that it is something of value, even if they have already sold their souls to the enemies of all that is sacred.
So Mr. CTA comes to me a few years ago and says he and the missus need an address of someone in the U.S. to put on their application for the diversity visa program. The program takes in up to 50,000 people a year into the U.S. from countries that are underrepresented in the U.S. immigration rolls. I checked out the paperwork and went to the U.S. Embassy to ask about the program's legitimacy. Now if you know anything about U.S. Embassies in Africa you know that they are always a day late and a dollar short when it comes to information about what's really going on. And the boys and girls who man these post are always a brick short of a full load when it comes to assessing who are the bad guys and who are the good guys in Africa. So I was, necessarily, a bit wary about the information I would get. But wonder of wonders - it was legit. I figured what are the odds - I gave Mr. CTA the greenlight for our house.
I sit here now in the U.S.A. with Mr. and Mrs. CTA and their three children buying lotto tickets in their names. I figure if Mrs. CTA won the diversity visa - what are the odds???
More about all this later....
MITM
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