miss daisy is fixating on death and dying.
the MITM is talking to her about enjoying the life she has now and not worrying about what ifs, about what's going to happen when she dies. i'm staying out of the discussion because
1. this is not the time to make a joke.
2. he needs to deal with this issue.
3. this is not the time to make a joke, at least, not by me!
i have a thousand jokes i could make, ok, maybe, 1 or 2, but in the spirit of family harmony, i shall refrain.
what would you say? or would you say anything?
My mom does this dying thing with me all the time.
ReplyDeleteI usually just make a joke because she's been doing this dying thing for the last 5 years or so.
I would and do make the jokes. You just have to sometimes. My 90 year old grandma told my brother the other day she was an orphan because my mom was out of town and didn't visit and I didn't call all week and check in on her. You have to laugh I think. Old stuff is so unfunny otherwise.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Savannah. xo
Death and dying is what motivates us to live!
ReplyDeleteOpen another bottle, pour me one.. we'll be maudlin together.
It very much depends on the person, Sav, when my father-in-law was dying, he knew he was (cancer), we made all number of jokes because he was that sort. We also just let him talk and talk and talk when he needed to. With my mother there were jokes too but much more subtle, she was in denial or didn't want to worry us, not sure which. Again the thing seemed to be to let her talk and talk and talk. It seems that when people are just allowed to say what's on their mind it helps them deal with it. Miss Daisy is trying to make sense of what seems to be happening to her now, if she knows you as a joker and likes you, the jokes will help.
ReplyDeleteJimmy is so right, too; can you find out if there is anything she has always wanted to achieve and then help her achieve it now, so she can die, when she does, feeling that sense of achievement and satisfaction? There must be nothing worse that lying on your death-bed thinking, 'what have I done with my life?' Let her know what she has done too.
I agree with Eryl. And I often find myself biting down on a flippant comment... but sometimes they do help to lighten the mood. You have to feel the vibes.
ReplyDeleteSx
I think concentrating the topic to the present is the best route. What someone might think is funny today can change tomorrow. It's really the QUALITY of life that is the most important. In reality each day that passes gets death one day closer. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow. Best to enjoy the todays. I wish I had a better answer.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you say, it probably won't be right. Joke about it when she's moved past this mood and it may not seem so raw. I'd hide.
ReplyDeleteAs usual Eryl is bang on the money. I'm not about to pop my clogs just yet but would appreciate time with my loved ones to talk and reminisce and laugh as the time gets closer. When in doubt a hug suffices.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd like permission just once to give advice and moralise and tell them what they orter do.
My Mother has been warning us of her imminent death for the past 40 years! And she wonders why we don't take her seriously now! She's 'dying' on Friday, partying on Saturday. So yes, we joke. I think she likes it that way. Fucks with yer head tho'!!
ReplyDeleteI'd say nothing, but that's me. I get all squiggledy inside from such conversations.
ReplyDeleteI'd make a joke.
ReplyDeleteBecause if she lives, it's funny for her: if she dies, it's funny for us! Win-win!
ReplyDeleteSavannah, just letting the MITM talk to her and then you being there for both him and her, if they each need a hug or just need to talk, is about the best you can do. If she lightens up in a day or two, then perhaps you can joke a bit.
ReplyDeleteI think you just have to play the situation by ear and get a feel for her mood.
It's stressful, though, I know. Have a nice glass of wine and chill. See what happens.
When you get to that point where death seems imminent (twice this hunting trip for me!) I think I'll tell you jokes up until I pull the plug. The last joke will be one of those crazy long ones that lead up to... flatline. Someone had to be an asshole about all of this.
ReplyDeleteIf you end up being none the wiser after all this advice, I'd say go with a toss of the coin - heads = yes, tails = no.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, please email me the jokes.
Ixox
Go for a couple of soft ones, and see how she responds. If positive, keep upping the crassness until she stops laughing. Then you know you've crossed the line and all the rest can be just under :)
ReplyDeleteGuess I'd hide until her mood lifts. Maybe I'd try to end the phase of depression with a joke when I couldn't take it no more. But that's just me.
ReplyDeleteHi Savannah,
ReplyDeleteIt seems that I'm always arriving late and I often don't have clarity of focus but having read the comments, I'll add my bit. First, I think I'm grateful my Mom doesn't play the "I'm going home to be with Jesus card". However, it sounds like it would be a lot of fun, having jokes and all on the subject.
You know I'm not good with jokes so I'd probably wind up having a serious discussion reviewing her options:
1. Where she wants to be buried
2. Donating her organs and body to science
3. Cremation
4. Walking away from the tribe and sitting under a tree in remote location; awaiting for the end to occur. Naturally of course.
Being the loving son that I am, I would want to discuss attire, makeup, shoes and of course a wig. I might need to get some makeup tips from Scarlet (she's so damn knowledgeable).
Since I don't have any sisters or aunts there may be a bit of hesitancy on her part to discuss certain items of clothing preferences with me. However, I've never been one to avoid things to say. So I'd suck it up and spit it out.
In the end, she'd know I did it because I loves me some Momma. Don't ask me what this has to do with you and Miss Daisy, I'm just punching out words as I await someone's response to a page.
I do like Ponita's suggestion of having a glass of wine. I am thirsty.
U